I’m doing another “Why I Love All Time Low” thing because the one on my blog is from June okay.

I’ve been an All Time Low fan for six years.  I discovered them when I was ten years old. My cousin had a copy of The Party Scene, and I loved it so much that I stole it from her room and have loved the boys so much ever since then.  I got to see them once in 2009.  It was at Six Flags Over Georgia for The Bamboozle Roadshow, and it was one of the best days of my life.  I got to talk to Alex through a fence, and I witnessed a Jalex moment that was perfection.

But I was happy that day and the band had not had as much of an impact on my life as they have now.

Sophomore year of high school was rough. Nasty rumors had been spread about me, I pushed so many of my friends away, and, in November of 2010, I started cutting.  It wasn’t that bad at first.  Just a few knicks and scratches here and there, but, the worse things got for me at school and at home, the more and worse I cut and burned myself.  I was suicidal, self harming, and not eating. And I was going through all of this alone. My mom was begging me to open up to her, but we’ve always had a strange relationship, and she too eventually gave up on me.

In January, I planned on killing myself.  I was completely ready to do it.  I was sitting on the floor next to my computer.  My wrists were bleeding, I was crying and had a handful pills, ready to take them and just get it over with.  I saw no other option and figured no one would really even notice I was gone.

But I heard the little notification sound go off on my skype.  No one had talked to me in a long time, so it startled me a bit.  It was one of my best friends who I hadn’t talked to in months.  I was shocked, to say the least.  The message she sent me said

Hey! I know you love All Time Low, and you’ve probably heard this song before, but it made me think of you! I know things have been rough for you lately, but it’ll get better!

She then included a link to Youtube.  I clicked it and immediately started crying even harder.  Therapy started playing, and things just sort of clicked in my head.  I had always understood the song, but I never ever thought about relating it to my own life.

In late November, the school had found out I was self harming and forced me into therapy. I fucking hated it.  I didn’t like having someone tell me what was “wrong” with me.  I knew that I couldn’t just be fixed.  The medications weren’t going to “cure” me.  I hated the words the doctors and my mom tossed around.  It made me feel like an object being sent to get repaired.  All I really needed was a hug and a friend.  But no one would be that for me during the time because I had managed to lie to everyone and push them almost completely out of my life.  I was a different person that did awful things because I was so lost.

That song though.  It was kind of like a hug that I hadn’t had in so long.  It was almost as if Alex was pointing out the obvious to everyone.  I felt like someone who had no idea that I even existed understood my problems without ever knowing them and helped me more than anyone in my life.  Everything he sang made sense to me.  Therapy had never made sense.  School had never made sense.  Nothing had ever made sense to me, but that song did.

I felt completely alone, and the song reminded me I wasn’t. I had Alex, Rian, Jack, and Zack.  They were there to play music for me when no one was around.  They still are.

I got much better after that night.  I started eating more and more, and self harming less and less.  I started talking to people again and all my suicidal thoughts disappeared because I knew I wasn’t in it alone.  I had the four beautiful boys that make up All Time Low.  I always blare their music whenever I’m feeling down, letting them drown out my troubles and lift my spirit till I feel better again.

Meeting them would mean the entire world to me.  I don’t have the best relationship with my parents, especially my dad.  I’m an only child, and so I’m the only one he really has to take his anger out on.  He scares me sometimes to be honest.  This might sound silly, but, whenever he’s going off on me, I always think about what it would be like to meet the boys, especially Jack.  I think to myself, if I can just make it through this and be okay, then I can hug him one day. It makes all the pain and tears worth it.  Everybody knows that Jack is my favorite.  I love him more than most of the people in my life, which probably isn’t healthy, but he sort of keeps me sane.

So yes, All Time Low did save my life the night I tried to kill myself, but Jack and the rest of the boys save it every single by giving me something to look forward to, a reason for sticking around and surviving what every day has in store for me.  I love them more than anything, and I owe them everything.